Journal 1

1/18/07
What would you be without the person within you? NOTHING!! U'd be just a girl with pretty eyes, or just a dude with a nice outfit. Nothin more nothin less. So niggas that holla at shorties from across the block are chasing nothin but a mere shell. That's the worst part of bein shallow. You can truly miss out on another persons true self, in essence, a persons true beauty. "Beauty Is In The Eye Of The Beholder" except if the beholder is too narrow-minded to define beauty. Woooord... What is beauty? What is it to you? Does it take visual perception for you to define beauty? If so, u got it twisted... America has got beauty twisted. Got girls looking up to these skinnyass models and junk. Poor men in America are to dumb too. Married men look at their wives and say "i wish u looked like name of 'sexy person' cuz ur ugly" funny but sad. People sometimes forget the reason they fell in love in the first place. That breaks my heart. Love is suppose to last a life time, and in America is probably last 5 years tops. Ever notice how people who spend there lives looking for love never find it? They sometimes think they did. And yet people who live "chill" lives, get it.. As God intended.

1/20/07
What did God intend?
When he made us, what the hell was he thinkin? And why did he choose to redeem us? I mean, he didn't want sickness for the word.. Adam and Eve had a perfect world. I mean if i was Adam would i have f***ed up?

1/23/07
1:38 am
I love people who love fashion so much, they'd sacrifice a meal or two for it.. And im not talking about someone on a runway. Im talkin bout that guy or girl from the hood who wont eat for a couple of days so they can get the new jordans and that new hoodie with all the colors that cost madd much. I LOVE them dudes... Why? Cuz the passion behind the materialism.. Ill get into this more tomorrow...

9:07 am
So any other person would call those people materialistic. Ok, yea they are, but i mean it takes passion to sacrifice all the things they do in order to stay on top. And as much as i cant stand someone who will spend all that money on a pair of shoes, i dont get to mad, cuz i mean i love spendin my money on other things. A couple of months ago, my friend brought some special edition jordans, cost him 600 buckz. I yelled at him.. And he said "i spend my money on what i love, and so do u... How much did that psp, and ipod, cost you?" or somethin like that. So i guess what you do with your money is all on u. Just be aware that all ur sh*t will perish 1 day.
Woooooord.

1/24/07
Ruben Studdard F***ed up badly... New album "the return" aka "the 3rd attempt." How he goes secular, then, gospel, and now secular again... And sad thing is that all of his secular joints suck ass... "change me"... Paraphrasin the lyrics, he goes "would i be wrong if i said u were ugly in the morning?" its a madd grimy song. Check out the video on aol.com... Mad disapointing... Like if he went secular, at least write somethin good... Asshole.

Today some of my murrow peoples came through 2 my job... It was madd freakin awesome... Madd good to see Momoe, Tito, Shehema, and Emaunel. I was madd happy yo... I almost cried from joy. Them pplz was my pplz in my first 2 years of high school... "why only 2 years Jordan?"

Cuz after 2 years i transferred out of murrow into a minimum security prison, aka Graphics Communication And Arts High School... Ahhhhhh! Memories haunt me.
Im rele tryin 2 get into this journal, eventually it'll be a myspace blog...

DID YOU KNOW: blog is short for "weB LOG" just a random fact... Chew on that, its delicious... So right now im on the train, and there is a blood nigga chillin on the train... He blood cuz he got all his colors, and beads and bandana and etc... But he look depressed as all hell... And almost scared... I looked dead at him and we played that game of "who's gonna look away first?" and he looked away quickly... I'm almost ashamed of myself... Why? Cuz i wish that i could of tried, at least tried offered him some kinda hope... Jesus hope... Ya know, what I've been taught my whole life about? I mean ya know what, right now, my life, my walk with God aint how its suppose to be.. Its honestly never been this bad, im truly experiencing a new low... But its all my fault... I keep on sayin "i aint ready 2 go baq to that yet" and before, when i was "there" i use to look down @ ppl who were goin through what im goin through... Cuz i didn't understand that concept... "when im ready" now i am at that crossroad in my life... And now I'M not ready... And i hope i will be soon... Cuz i cant stand where im at...

Anyways, just cuz im goin through this, don't mean i don't know the truth about Jesus... He CAN TRANSFORM LIVES... No lie. And when i saw that dude on that train (im on a new train... He was on the A, im on the L now) something in me wished that he could somehow find out about the hope he could have.

The thing about Christianity, is that even with its flaws, you know, the hypocrites in churches, or the idea that its not fun, or whatever ur thing against it is, Christianity offers 1 main thing... A hope that u couldn't get anywhere else (well that's just my opinion...) it offers the hope of becoming a new being. Of being "cleansed of all ur sins" and a hope that ull one day see Heaven... A hope that Jesus loves you.. If u've ever gone through something in ur life in which u felt hated by the world, or completely left out, the idea of Jesus loving u, really becomes something. Ur life can be totally changed just cuz u heard that.. I wish that kid could rele know that, and truly understand it... Ya know? I wish i truly
understood it...

Anyways, ill end this entry with this...
"I'd rather spend my life believing in God, and then die to find out its all a lie... Then to live my life denying God and findin out he's real..."

1 love, reader.......